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2011年6月22日 星期三

陰陽路之停屍間


陰陽路之停屍間

我叫Helen,23歲,我是一名實習女護士。我要告訴你一個關於我在醫院內的親身經歷。

我在護士學校畢業後,到政府醫院實習一個月。因為近來政府醫院護士流失嚴重,我被派上前線服務病人。

穿起護士制服的我,對著鏡整理衣履。護士的日常工作十分繁忙,抽血打針派藥量血壓量體溫,我集中精神,減少出錯,因為這是關乎人命的工作。

記得第一天到醫院實習,院方給我們一個迎新tour,帶我們參觀醫院各個部門。最令我不寒而慄的地方,就是冰冷的殮房。雖則做得護士就接觸過屍體,但是我始終不是膽生毛那類堅強女子。

某天下午三時,我拿著X光片回病房,我行到走廊的升降機時,見到升降機門口快要關上,我情急之下,大叫:「唔該!等埋」,邊嗌邊加快腳步跑向升降機。我及時用右手按著正在關上的門,手一碰,lift門便自動彈開,好嘢!被我追到了。

升降機內有一個30多歲的男人,木無表情,直情係面無血色添呀。他穿上便服,但現在又不是探病時間,可能來接親人出院吧。但我心裡最不爽的地方是:為什麼他不幫手按「open」掣?只是站在一角袖手旁觀,好典型的冷漠香港人呀佢!我狠狠地瞄了他一眼,他好像見不到我一樣,佢直情當旁人不存在,好目中無人呀佢!

當lift門再次緩緩關上時,我聽到出面有一把女聲嗌:「唔該!等埋」我見到lift外有一名肥師奶,伸出右手狂揮,正論論盡盡跑上前。

素來好心的我,正想按「open」掣時,身後的男人突然出手,他用力撥開我的手,並立即閃電按上「close」掣,是大力急促地按,似乎很緊張。

Lift門順利關上後,升降機中只有我和他,男人用責備的口吻鬧我:「妳新嚟嘅!咁都睇唔到?!」
我唔明,反問:「睇唔到乜嘢呀?」
男人:「頭先個女人呀!佢隻手戴著嗰條手帶呀!」
我:「我睇唔清楚呀…」
男人:「我喺殮房做,屍體嘅右手手腕要綁上黑色嘅膠帶。」
原來呢個男人是醫院同事,正準備到殮房換制服開工。
我:「sorry,我真係新嚟,唔知咩嘢…黑色嘅膠帶呀?」
男人:「妳未見過呀?」
我:「未呀..」
男人緩緩伸出右手:「咪~就~係~咁~嘅~樣~囉~」

我見到他手上一條黑色膠帶,他遞去我面前,嚇到我掩面狂叫!

過了一陣,四周無聲,我放開雙手,lift內除我之外,空無一人。當lift門再打開,我立即奪門狂奔。跑回病房向護士長報告一切。之後,我查清楚醫院殮房內的屍體右手真的要戴上黑色膠帶。嚇到我病了一場。

經一事、長一智,我以後在醫院工作時,會提高警覺,不再好管閒事。

這是我的經歷,多謝你們的聆聽。

* * * * *

我,叫Alan,32歲,我是一名病人。我要告訴你一個關於我在醫院內的親身經歷。

我患有遺傳性糖尿病,需要定期食藥和戒口。5月初,我因為在街上突然暈倒而被送入醫院留院觀察。

我在病房內,望著無聊的電視節目。早上來了一個女護士,幫我抽血。她雞手鴨腳,騰騰雞雞咁在我手臂上找血管,拮了幾針,都未成功。最後搞咗好耐先得。拮到我隻手鬼死咁痛。我鬧佢,佢猛咁sorry!但唔通講一句sorry就可以殺人咩?

我偷看她的名牌,原來是實習護士呀!頂!學護呀學護呀!妳學藝未精就唔該妳返去學校學好啲先出嚟服務社會啦。我認實呢個護士個樣,希望唔好再見到佢。
留醫一晚後,到了第二天下午,醫生批準我可以出院。由於我是長期病患者,經常出入醫院已是家常便飯。所以我出院不需要家人陪同,自己搞掂都OK。我換上便服,我先去醫院出納部結帳,再往藥房取藥,最後才回病房取回行李。

我乘升降機往藥房的途中,突然聽到lift門外有個女人嗌:「唔該!等埋」我望一望:「頂!原來就係嗰個女學護,真係冤家路窄!」我當然唔會幫她按open掣啦!

吓!點知又俾個女護士追到部lift噃!佢仲怒睥我喎!我當妳透明添呀,吹咩。

當lift門再次關上之時,我又聽到外面有一把女聲嗌:「唔該!等埋」我見到lift外有一名肥師奶,正跑上前。

我突然想出一條計,可以整蠱返呢個護士,嚇吓佢都好吖!我立即用力撥開她的手,再立即閃電按上「close」掣,扮到好緊張咁。

門關上後,我呃她我是在醫院殮房工作。因為我長期出入醫院,從員工口中知道屍體要戴黑色膠帶。我先騙她:我見到剛才追lift的那肥師奶,手上戴有黑賿帶。再告訴她殮房內的屍體都被綁上黑色膠帶。

碰巧我手上戴上Giordano的黑色橡膠帶,加上我鬼聲鬼氣的龍婆腔口,把黑膠帶遞到她眼前,她在近距離下根本看不清楚條黑帶,她就已經掩面大叫。

我見嚇她的目標已達,心都涼哂!Lift門剛巧打開,我立即逃之夭夭。Lift門再次關上前,我還能聽到她在lift內驚叫未停,今次真係乜仇都報哂。

這是我的經歷,多謝你們的聆聽。


佛爺續寫的《天使之吻》

二少爺說:我細細個未認識Dolly Parton前,我認為Bonnie Tyler是最大胸脯的女歌手。


Total Eclipse of the Heart - Bonnie Tyler

Turnaround, every now and then I get a
little bit lonely and you're never coming around
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit nervous that the best of all the years have gone by
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit terrified and then I see the look in your eyes
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and then I fall apart
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and then I fall apart

Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit restless and I dream of something wild
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit helpless and I'm lying like a child in your arms
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit angry and I know I've got to get out and cry
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit terrified but then I see the look in your eyes
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and then I fall apart
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and then I fall apart

And I need you now tonight
And I need you more than ever
And if you'll only hold me tight
We'll be holding on forever
And we'll only be making it right
Cause we'll never be wrong together
We can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks
I really need you tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight

Once upon a time I was falling in love
But now I'm only falling apart
There's nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart
Once upon a time there was light in my life
But now there's only love in the dark
Nothing I can say
A total eclipse of the heart

Turnaround bright eyes
Turnaround bright eyes
Turnaround, every now and then I know
you'll never be the boy you always you wanted to be
Turnaround, every now and then I know
you'll always be the only boy who wanted me the way that I am
Turnaround, every now and then I know
there's no one in the universe as magical and wonderous as you
Turnaround, every now and then I know
there's nothing any better and there's nothing I just wouldn't do
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and then I fall apart
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and then I fall apart

And I need you now tonight
And I need you more than ever
And if you'll only hold me tight
We'll be holding on forever
And we'll only be making it right
Cause we'll never be wrong together
We can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks
I really need you tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight

Once upon a time I was falling in love
But now I'm only falling apart
There's nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart
Once upon a time there was light in my life
But now there's only love in the dark
Nothing I can say A total eclipse of the heart

27 則留言:

  1. 我放工時趕lift, 開門俾我果位女士, 好似右手有黑色手帶...

    BTW, 我聽歌時認識的最大胸女歌星, 除了Dolly Parton外, 係一位叫Sabrina的:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eiuHdUkuRi0

    回覆刪除
  2. 多年前,經常到醫院工作。

    有時,喺行人路行行吓,聽到好大聲,好似有野從高處跌落嚟。嘩!原來係病人厭世跳樓。

    嗰個block又近殮房,所以,特別多病人喺嗰度嘅頂樓跳落黎。

    我估喺醫院工作嘅上上下下,睇到乜野都慣晒囉。

    新丁除外。

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  3. 30 Somethinhg

    多謝早到先

    公司都有鬼~~?

    嘩! boys boys boys 我就聽過
    未見識過原來嗰位女歌手咁堅
    好嘢!

    ++++

    樂樂

    你曾在醫院工作?
    是否醫生呀你?
    勁呀~~

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  4. 卡臣

    醫生?我當然唔係喇!
    我只係"到"醫院工作
    如果我係醫生
    就唔洗咁霉啦,哈哈!

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  5. 咁個肥婆點解又帶黑膠帶嘅?好驚呀

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  6. 樂樂

    唔霉呀你
    我就真正霉


    ++++

    naruto

    根據故事:
    肥婆沒有帶黑膠帶
    只是 alan 騙 helen 話有啫

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  7. 巴黎

    原來自己嚇自己

    +++

    naruto

    醫院突然發生3級大火
    helen & alan 合力逃生兼救人
    成為一對

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  8. 我记得Dolly Parton,事业线很深很长!她一甩,肯定可以拼晕您!

    Helen终于被吓死了,阴魂不散,到处去找Alan想报仇,结果……遇上了,冤家路窄,Alan还想吓吓她,却反而给她整了………… (怎么整才更刺激呢?卡哥,快写Part II)


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  9. 如naruto所言,「通常呢D鬥氣寃家最後會拍拖架喎 !
    我為卡臣這篇帖子寫了愛情續集, 《陰陽路之停屍間》之「天使之吻」!有興趣可到本佛廟堂參觀!

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  10. 原來係喜劇,仲以前係恐怖故仔添^^

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  11. Alan梗係未聽過「人嚇人,無藥醫」,如果Helen俾佢嚇到癲咗,咁就真係玩出火囉。

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  12. 嘿嘿

    Dolly Parton..現在已是婆婆了

    我的part 2
    由佛爺續寫
    仲好啦

    +++

    佛爺

    多謝續寫
    也是一次crossover呀
    下次繼續

    +++

    eben

    想講一個「自己嚇自己」的故事

    +++

    歪歪

    扮鬼嚇人好無陰功架

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  13. 哈哈哈哈------又被阿卡臣厄到窝,开头仲以为你今次写di乜野惊怵鬼古,原来系写阿伦整蛊个海伦!

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  14. 切合今日的心境:

    尋尋覓覓,冷冷清清,悽悽慘慘戚戚。

    乍暖還寒時候,最難將息。

    三盃兩盞淡酒,怎敵他、晚來風急。

    雁過也,正傷心,卻是舊時相識。  

    滿地黃花堆積。憔悴損,如今有誰忺摘。守著窗兒,獨自怎生得黑。

    梧桐更兼細雨,到黃昏、點點滴滴。這次第,怎一箇、愁字了得。

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  15. folium

    多謝呀

    +++

    laulong

    人比人,都會比死人架!

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  16. 卡臣:

    呢篇我睇完後,都無諗過寫續集,係過佐一陣,突然靈感到,就諗到佢地可以成為情侶。因我有一個親戚,佢有一個老友,去公立醫院探病,就追到一個靚女護士,簡直神奇。

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  17. 佛爺

    唔怪得男人對護士充滿幻想啦...

    回覆刪除
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