臉書

臉書

Jimmy有一位中學同學叫Desmond，Desmond在嶺南大學新聞系畢業後，在報館任初級記者。除了負責簡單的採訪外，Desmond還需要翻譯外電。他負責報紙的外國獵奇版：新聞包括：外星人俘虜地球人、吸血彊屍復活、Michael Jackson其實未死等奇聞。

有一晚，凌晨一時，Desmond突然打電話給Jimmy，說老編處處為難他，想約Jimmy出嚟飲杯酒，吐吓苦水。半小時後，兩人在太子道某酒吧見面。飲了幾杯後，Desmond滿面通紅，已經醉了七成，自顧自傻笑。反觀酒量較好的Jimmy，仍然面不改容。

Desmond灌下一口酒，好認真咁同Jimmy講：「我知道一個天大秘密，淨係話俾你聽，我喺外電到知返嚟，千祈唔好話俾其他人知，OK？」
Jimmy見Desmond傻傻吓，應該係飲醉咗，一於陪佢癲：「好呀！你講嚟聽吓。」

Desmond：「你記得清朝林則徐喺虎門燒鴉片，跟著引起鴉片戰爭，係咪？」
Jimmy：「記得，嗰陣英國人為咗荼毒中國人，輸入鴉片，搞到中國人體虛力弱，不堪一擊，為侵略中國舖好路吖嘛。」
Desmond：「無錯！咁你知唔知道邊個係facebook創辦人？」
Jimmy：「我知，佢叫Mark Zuckerberg，係哈佛大學生，喺2004年創立出嚟。」
Desmond：「無錯！但係其實Mark Zuckerberg只是個掩飾，真正發明facebook嘅係… 中 國 人 。」
Jimmy：「吓？… 中 國 人 ？！」
Desmond：「無錯！仲係由『中央政治統戰部』研發出嚟。」

Desmond呼出一口煙，繼續講：「facebook其實係一場由中國發起嘅『新鴉片戰爭』。大陸中央吸收咗百年前中英戰爭嘅教訓，決定照板煮碗，製造精神鴉片：facebook。等發展國家啲人返工狂玩facebook，不事生產，當咗facebook入面啲朋友係真朋友、當咗塊農田真係塊田、當咗間餐廳真係餐廳、當咗賺到啲錢係真錢。總之返工唔做嘢顧住玩，顧住add人，學生又唔讀書，狂放相、狂update status。」

Jimmy：「咁之後呢？」

Desmond：「之後，中國喺國內block哂facebook，等國民返工專心工作，此消彼長，慢慢拉闊中外貿易差額。中國成為世界工廠，外國人就繼續沉迷玩，好似龜兔賽跑咁囉，勝利一定係屬於中方。除咗facebook，連twitter、msn、plurk 都係中國人發明架。」

Desmond講到口乾，飲下一啖酒，繼續：「外國已經有林則徐出現，下令燒毀鴉片，即是喺公司block咗facebook，等員工返工時專心工作。但係啲staffs中哂facebook毒，道高一尺、魔高一丈，佢哋一定有辦法喺返工時間上到facebook。」

Jimmy聽完Desmond的大揭秘後，半信半疑，因為可能係Desmond一時醉酒幻想出嚟。

Jimmy送Desmond回家後，在自己歸家的途中思考：如果唔係中國喺鴉片戰爭輸咗，割讓香港俾英國，香港都無輝煌的成就。多得英國百年統治，否則香港仍是南方一個落後小漁港。想到這裡，Jimmy便決定回家後，第一時間玩facebook。

完

沉迷上網都係因為兩個字：「怕悶」，想起Pet Shop Boys 的《Being Boring》，video中好多俊男美女呀！必看！

Being Boring - Pet Shop Boys

I came across a cache of old photos
And invitations to teenage parties
"dress in white" one said, with quotations
From someone's wife, a famous writer
In the nineteen-twenties
When you're young you find inspiration
In anyone who's ever gone
And opened up a closing door
She said: "we were never feeling bored

'cause we were never being boring
We had too much time to find for ourselves
And we were never being boring
We dressed up and fought, then thought: "make amends"
And we were never holding back or worried that
Time would come to an end

When I went I left from the station
With a haversack and some trepidation
Someone said: "if you're not careful
You'll have nothing left and nothing to care for
In the nineteen-seventies"
But I sat back and looking forward
My shoes were high and I had scored
I'd bolted through a closing door
I would never find myself feeling bored

'cause we were never being boring
We had too much time to find for ourselves
And we were never being boring
We dressed up and fought, then thought: "make amends"
And we were never holding back or worried that
Time would come to an end
We were always hoping that, looking back
You could always rely on a friend

Now I sit with different faces
In rented rooms and foreign places
All the people I was kissing
Some are here and some are missing
In the nineteen-nineties
I never dreamt that I would get to be
The creature that I always meant to be
But I thought in spite of dreams
You'd be sitting somewhere here with me

'cause we were never being boring
We had too much time to find for ourselves
And we were never being boring
We dressed up and fought, then thought: "make amends"
And we were never holding back or worried that
Time would come to an end
We were always hoping that, looking back
You could always rely on a friend

And we were never being boring
We had too much time to find for ourselves
And we were never being boring
We dressed up and fought, then thought: "make amends"
And we were never being boring
We were never being bored
'cause we were never being boring
We were never being bored