我唔係「東亞病夫 !」- 2

我唔係「東亞病夫 !」

「巴渣」倒在地上痛苦地抽搐著，在鮮血泊中呻吟，一名熱心的洗碗阿嬸施予援手；幫手叫救護車。巴渣用微弱的聲音說：「背脊……有……Killer紋身……」跟著昏迷了。

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「巴渣」是一名在港出生的巴基斯坦藉人士，因他得罪了有勢力人士，眼鏡蛇接了這宗生意去殺死「巴渣」。眼鏡蛇跟蹤巴渣至旺角某商業大大廈之後巷，在鬧市中落手。為免引人注意，眼鏡蛇棄槍改用刀。見後巷四周無人，正當眼鏡蛇打算落手之際，自己的手提電話突然響起！是太太Coody打嚟，她上星期剛剛考到車牌，現在揸車周圍兜吓認吓路。
Coody：「喂！你喺邊呀？我揸車過嚟接你呀？」
眼鏡蛇：「我而家喺旺角，妳到咗call我呀！」
眼鏡蛇諗著任務完成後，有車接走，方便離開現場，叫Coody揸車嚟旺角。

眼鏡蛇立即落手，揮刀就上。巴渣亦非善男信女，憑雙拳在重慶大廈打出「巴渣」這個霸道名堂。眼鏡蛇低估了巴渣的反抗力，兩人在後巷作困獸肉搏鬥。

混亂中，巴渣扯爛眼鏡蛇上衫，見到眼鏡蛇背脊的紋身：「K I L L E R ..C O B R A」的十一個英文字母中，頭六個英文字母：「K I L L E R」。巴渣大叫「Killer」！眼鏡蛇趁機一刀拮落巴渣大脾大運脈，此時給後巷洗碗阿嬸撞破，阿嬸驚叫！後巷是掘頭路，出路被阿嬸擋住，眼鏡蛇只好調頭，逃進商業大廈內，往樓上跑。

「巴渣」倒在地上痛苦地抽搐著，熱心的洗碗阿嬸幫手叫救護車。巴渣用微弱的聲音說：「背脊……有…Killer紋身…」跟著昏迷了。五分鐘之後，警員PC24601杜燦明碰巧在附近巡邏，接到call第一時間抵達現場。洗碗阿嬸立即向燦明轉述巴渣那句「背脊有killer紋身」的情報。燦明將情報報台後，立即進入商業大廈，在一樓後樓梯跟眼鏡蛇，一上一落，撞個正著。

杜燦明緊張地大喝：「企喺度！身分證！你嚟呢度做乜？」
眼鏡蛇：「阿Sir，我啱啱去三樓間Hip Hop舖買CD咋！」

眼鏡蛇把身分證、CD和CD發票遞給杜燦明。杜燦明立即call回電台check身分證，再檢查CD發票，咦！收銀機發票日期時間是四分鐘前。珍珠都無咁真！那間Hip Hop舖於商業大廈三樓，店主是一名MC Rapper，夜間在disco打碟，日間開舖賣滑板、自家錄製CD、Hip Hop衫褲、搞吓UFO外星人講座等。

電台總部回覆：「無案底」。眼鏡蛇取回東西想轉身走之際，杜燦明喝停他。「扯高件衫俾我睇吓你背脊！」眼鏡蛇聽後，額角流下一滴汗。

眼鏡蛇：「我要有多一個警員在場，我先肯除衫。」
杜燦明拔出胡椒噴霧「除唔除呀！」
眼鏡蛇只好就範，除去上衣，展示他的背脊紋身……
「I’ M ..N O T ...S I C K ..I L L E R」
杜燦明問：「乜意思？」
「阿Sir，『我不是東亞病夫』囉！」
「Sick iller解病夫咩？乜英文嚟架？」
「我唔識英文架.....阿Sir.…個紋身師傅寫錯咗咩？」

原來眼鏡蛇逃走到三樓，見到有間Hip Hop舖，走入去俾500蚊Hip Hop店主，叫他用箱頭筆在自己背脊的「KILLER」之前加「I’M NOT SIC」，變成「I’M NOT SICK ILLER．我不是東亞病夫」！Hip Hop店主鐘意李小龍、又叻Graffiti，收錢後用黑色箱頭筆，寫上美術字體，成為眼鏡蛇的新紋身。眼鏡蛇買件T-shirt穿在身上，及買多隻CD製造「在場原因」。

杜燦明按工作指引，沒有足夠証據，只好放眼鏡蛇走。眼鏡蛇現在擔心的，就是如果巴渣及時送院搶救，今次任務便會宣佈失敗。

此時，電話響起，是Coody來電：「老公呀！我撞車啊！呀！唔係，我俾人撞呀！」原來Coody已經駛入旺角區，人車爭路，突然有隻失魂流浪狗衝出馬路，Coody急煞車，尾隨的救護車煞車不及，一嘢隊入Coody車尾。這部救護車正正就是奉命來救巴渣。

根據工作指引，醫務人員需要call回總部，再派第二部救護車前來。就是這一阻，巴渣在血泊中流血過多，返魂乏術。任務終告完成。

係時候又到眼鏡蛇作「完成任務signature」。銀包內的700元現金已付給了Hip Hop店主，只好把CD發票撕過粉碎，隨手一揚，好型咁慢動作緩慢前行。離開現場。

眼鏡蛇去找Coody，雖然車尾的「bumper」被救護車撞到「吊吊fing」，但眼鏡蛇決定不跟醫管局追究。登記資料後揸車走人。

在車上眼鏡蛇說要送Coody一件首飾。Coody問點解？眼鏡蛇笑答：送禮不需理由。Coody笑了。眼鏡蛇心諗：難道要我說出真相：「妳協助我殺死巴渣，所以我分番啲酬金俾妳咩？」

眼鏡蛇把新買的CD插入汽車Hi-Fi，播出強勁的Hip Hop音樂，繼續於公路飛馳，在強勁音樂下，眼鏡蛇十分亢奮，唔覺唔覺不斷踩油，車速飊升。

「轟隆！」「哎呀！條bumper直情甩咗！shit~~」

完

杜燦明前傳

眼鏡蛇聽到Rapping音樂，郁身郁勢，踩油加速。為了人車安全，提議各位飲酒後或聽Hip Hop歌時，咪揸車呀。

Lose Yourself - Eminem

Look, if you had one shot, one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted…One moment
Would you capture it or just let it slip?

His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy
There’s vomit on his sweater already, mom’s spaghetti
He’s nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready
To drop bombs, but he keeps on forgettin
What he wrote down, the whole crowd goes so loud
He opens his mouth, but the words won’t come out
He’s chokin, how everybody’s jokin now
The clock’s run out, time’s up over, bloah!
Snap back to reality, Oh there goes gravity
Oh, there goes Rabbit, he choked
He’s so mad, but he won’t give up that
Is he? No
He won’t have it , he knows his whole back city’s ropes
It don’t matter, he’s dope
He knows that, but he’s broke
He’s so stacked that he knows
When he goes back to his mobile home, that’s when it’s
Back to the lab again yo
This whole rap shit
He better go capture this moment and hope it don’t pass him

You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo

The soul’s escaping, through this hole that it’s gaping
This world is mine for the taking
Make me king, as we move toward a, new world order
A normal life is borin, but superstardom’s close to post mortar
It only grows harder, only grows hotter
He blows us all over these hoes is all on him
Coast to coast shows, he’s know as the globetrotter
Lonely roads, God only knows
He’s grown farther from home, he’s no father
He goes home and barely knows his own daughter
But hold your nose cuz here goes the cold water
His bosses don’t want him no mo, he’s cold product
They moved on to the next schmoe who flows
He nose dove and sold nada
So the soap opera is told and unfolds
I suppose it’s old potna, but the beat goes on
Da da dum da dum da da

No more games, I’ma change what you call rage
Tear this mothafuckin roof off like 2 dogs caged
I was playin in the beginnin, the mood all changed
I been chewed up and spit out and booed off stage
But I kept rhymin and stepwritin the next cypher
Best believe somebody’s payin the pied piper
All the pain inside amplified by the fact
That I can’t get by with my 9 to 5
And I can’t provide the right type of life for my family
Cuz man, these goddam food stamps don’t buy diapers
And it’s no movie, there’s no Mekhi Phifer, this is my life
And these times are so hard and it’s getting even harder
Tryin to feed and water my seed, plus
See dishonor caught up bein a father and a prima donna
Baby mama drama’s screamin on and
Too much for me to wanna
Stay in one spot, another jam or not
Has gotten me to the point, I’m like a snail
I’ve got to formulate a plot fore I end up in jail or shot
Success is my only mothafuckin option, failure’s not
Mom, I love you, but this trail has got to go
I cannot grow old in Salem’s lot
So here I go is my shot.
Feet fail me not cuz maybe the only opportunity that I got