陰陽路之停屍間

陰陽路之停屍間

我叫Helen，23歲，我是一名實習女護士。我要告訴你一個關於我在醫院內的親身經歷。

我在護士學校畢業後，到政府醫院實習一個月。因為近來政府醫院護士流失嚴重，我被派上前線服務病人。

穿起護士制服的我，對著鏡整理衣履。護士的日常工作十分繁忙，抽血打針派藥量血壓量體溫，我集中精神，減少出錯，因為這是關乎人命的工作。

記得第一天到醫院實習，院方給我們一個迎新tour，帶我們參觀醫院各個部門。最令我不寒而慄的地方，就是冰冷的殮房。雖則做得護士就接觸過屍體，但是我始終不是膽生毛那類堅強女子。

某天下午三時，我拿著X光片回病房，我行到走廊的升降機時，見到升降機門口快要關上，我情急之下，大叫：「唔該！等埋」，邊嗌邊加快腳步跑向升降機。我及時用右手按著正在關上的門，手一碰，lift門便自動彈開，好嘢！被我追到了。

升降機內有一個30多歲的男人，木無表情，直情係面無血色添呀。他穿上便服，但現在又不是探病時間，可能來接親人出院吧。但我心裡最不爽的地方是：為什麼他不幫手按「open」掣？只是站在一角袖手旁觀，好典型的冷漠香港人呀佢！我狠狠地瞄了他一眼，他好像見不到我一樣，佢直情當旁人不存在，好目中無人呀佢！

當lift門再次緩緩關上時，我聽到出面有一把女聲嗌：「唔該！等埋」我見到lift外有一名肥師奶，伸出右手狂揮，正論論盡盡跑上前。

素來好心的我，正想按「open」掣時，身後的男人突然出手，他用力撥開我的手，並立即閃電按上「close」掣，是大力急促地按，似乎很緊張。

Lift門順利關上後，升降機中只有我和他，男人用責備的口吻鬧我：「妳新嚟嘅！咁都睇唔到？！」
我唔明，反問：「睇唔到乜嘢呀？」
男人：「頭先個女人呀！佢隻手戴著嗰條手帶呀！」
我：「我睇唔清楚呀…」
男人：「我喺殮房做，屍體嘅右手手腕要綁上黑色嘅膠帶。」
原來呢個男人是醫院同事，正準備到殮房換制服開工。
我：「sorry，我真係新嚟，唔知咩嘢…黑色嘅膠帶呀？」
男人：「妳未見過呀？」
我：「未呀..」
男人緩緩伸出右手：「咪~就~係~咁~嘅~樣~囉~」

我見到他手上一條黑色膠帶，他遞去我面前，嚇到我掩面狂叫！

過了一陣，四周無聲，我放開雙手，lift內除我之外，空無一人。當lift門再打開，我立即奪門狂奔。跑回病房向護士長報告一切。之後，我查清楚醫院殮房內的屍體右手真的要戴上黑色膠帶。嚇到我病了一場。

經一事、長一智，我以後在醫院工作時，會提高警覺，不再好管閒事。

這是我的經歷，多謝你們的聆聽。

＊　＊　＊　＊　＊

我，叫Alan，32歲，我是一名病人。我要告訴你一個關於我在醫院內的親身經歷。

我患有遺傳性糖尿病，需要定期食藥和戒口。5月初，我因為在街上突然暈倒而被送入醫院留院觀察。

我在病房內，望著無聊的電視節目。早上來了一個女護士，幫我抽血。她雞手鴨腳，騰騰雞雞咁在我手臂上找血管，拮了幾針，都未成功。最後搞咗好耐先得。拮到我隻手鬼死咁痛。我鬧佢，佢猛咁sorry！但唔通講一句sorry就可以殺人咩？

我偷看她的名牌，原來是實習護士呀！頂！學護呀學護呀！妳學藝未精就唔該妳返去學校學好啲先出嚟服務社會啦。我認實呢個護士個樣，希望唔好再見到佢。
留醫一晚後，到了第二天下午，醫生批準我可以出院。由於我是長期病患者，經常出入醫院已是家常便飯。所以我出院不需要家人陪同，自己搞掂都OK。我換上便服，我先去醫院出納部結帳，再往藥房取藥，最後才回病房取回行李。

我乘升降機往藥房的途中，突然聽到lift門外有個女人嗌：「唔該！等埋」我望一望：「頂！原來就係嗰個女學護，真係冤家路窄！」我當然唔會幫她按open掣啦！

吓！點知又俾個女護士追到部lift噃！佢仲怒睥我喎！我當妳透明添呀，吹咩。

當lift門再次關上之時，我又聽到外面有一把女聲嗌：「唔該！等埋」我見到lift外有一名肥師奶，正跑上前。

我突然想出一條計，可以整蠱返呢個護士，嚇吓佢都好吖！我立即用力撥開她的手，再立即閃電按上「close」掣，扮到好緊張咁。

門關上後，我呃她我是在醫院殮房工作。因為我長期出入醫院，從員工口中知道屍體要戴黑色膠帶。我先騙她：我見到剛才追lift的那肥師奶，手上戴有黑賿帶。再告訴她殮房內的屍體都被綁上黑色膠帶。

碰巧我手上戴上Giordano的黑色橡膠帶，加上我鬼聲鬼氣的龍婆腔口，把黑膠帶遞到她眼前，她在近距離下根本看不清楚條黑帶，她就已經掩面大叫。

我見嚇她的目標已達，心都涼哂！Lift門剛巧打開，我立即逃之夭夭。Lift門再次關上前，我還能聽到她在lift內驚叫未停，今次真係乜仇都報哂。

這是我的經歷，多謝你們的聆聽。

完

佛爺續寫的《天使之吻》

二少爺說：我細細個未認識Dolly Parton前，我認為Bonnie Tyler是最大胸脯的女歌手。

Total Eclipse of the Heart - Bonnie Tyler

Turnaround, every now and then I get a
little bit lonely and you're never coming around
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit nervous that the best of all the years have gone by
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit terrified and then I see the look in your eyes
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and then I fall apart
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and then I fall apart

Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit restless and I dream of something wild
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit helpless and I'm lying like a child in your arms
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit angry and I know I've got to get out and cry
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit terrified but then I see the look in your eyes
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and then I fall apart
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and then I fall apart

And I need you now tonight
And I need you more than ever
And if you'll only hold me tight
We'll be holding on forever
And we'll only be making it right
Cause we'll never be wrong together
We can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks
I really need you tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight

Once upon a time I was falling in love
But now I'm only falling apart
There's nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart
Once upon a time there was light in my life
But now there's only love in the dark
Nothing I can say
A total eclipse of the heart

Turnaround bright eyes
Turnaround bright eyes
Turnaround, every now and then I know
you'll never be the boy you always you wanted to be
Turnaround, every now and then I know
you'll always be the only boy who wanted me the way that I am
Turnaround, every now and then I know
there's no one in the universe as magical and wonderous as you
Turnaround, every now and then I know
there's nothing any better and there's nothing I just wouldn't do
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and then I fall apart
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and then I fall apart

And I need you now tonight
And I need you more than ever
And if you'll only hold me tight
We'll be holding on forever
And we'll only be making it right
Cause we'll never be wrong together
We can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks
I really need you tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight

Once upon a time I was falling in love
But now I'm only falling apart
There's nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart
Once upon a time there was light in my life
But now there's only love in the dark
Nothing I can say A total eclipse of the heart